6 Things I’ve Changed My Perspective on in College

By Caroline Stefanak

Entering college, I was freshly nineteen with an overwhelming excitement for the new start ahead of me. I was a spring semester transfer to my small NYC borough school and was anxious about arriving in the middle of a semester where everyone already knew each other. Granted, the transition wasn’t smooth, but that was expected. Entering a new environment 50 miles away from everyone I loved was hard, and I found it challenging to make new friends. Struggling to put yourself out there is inevitable in college. There is a constant feeling of judgment from others that stops us from being ourselves in such situations. It took me a few weeks, but I found my footing and a good group of girls. I joined new clubs and started developing the newfound independence I sought. 

At the time of writing this, I am a second-semester junior—one who has been through a lot since that first spring semester. I’ve encountered many situations that have altered my perspective and forced me to grow up quicker than I anticipated. I feel like over the past year, I’ve gained some insight and wisdom. College can be some of the toughest and best years of your life. Perspective is important because it can turn some of the bad moments into better ones just by shifting your mindset. Although there have been many, here are five things I have changed my perspective on in college thus far. 

1. The Privilege of Being a Student

There have been times when school life got so tough I thought the easiest way out was to drop out. School seemed like an add-on to life, and although I recognized that I was attending a rather expensive college, I was oblivious to the fact I was living a life that so many people dream of. I was so caught up in the fact that I didn’t have the ideal college social life I spent so much of my time focused on what I didn’t have, not recognizing all the tools to achieve success at my fingertips. I realized how little a social life mattered when it came to the privilege of being able to be a student, never mind living on campus. Living in my own apartment, being able to attend classes taught by amazing professors, and having endless internship opportunities at my fingertips is a luxury—one that I had ignored at first. 

I think that many college students today, especially from what they see posted on social media, have no real concept of the privilege of being a student. I shifted my perspective on the idea that college was ‘normal,’ and came to terms with the fact I was living a much more privileged life than I thought.

2. Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

This quote is one of my favorite things to tell my friends when they come to me for advice. I used to be afraid of change and the uncertainty that came with an unfamiliar situation or event. When everything suddenly began to change in my life, I realized there was only so much I could control. I shifted my mindset and focused less on what I wasn’t in control of, and realized I had the power to change parts of my life for the better. College, in itself, is a scary transition into adulthood, and there are a million and one changes that come with this stage of life. Facing the hard reality that change is healthy is difficult when you have become comfortable with your life. However, recognizing that nothing will change if nothing changes is something I now keep at the forefront of my mind. You cannot live your life in a bubble, and the sooner you step out of your comfort zone, the faster you can see how many things you have been afraid to try. 

Branching out and joining new groups and clubs is just one of the many advantages of college. With that comes the opportunity to meet lifelong friends and like-minded individuals—something I struggled with until college. I joined a student-led magazine my junior year which gave me endless opportunities to grow. I stepped out of my comfort zone and modeled for the first time, and it is still one of the best experiences I have had to this day. You truly cannot grow rooted in your surroundings.

3. Looks Aren’t Everything

Throughout high school, I wasn’t ‘the prettiest girl at the party.’ I was bullied for my looks and my acne for the majority of my life, and I carried the hurtful words said to me when I got to college. Social media and societal expectations have set the bar extremely high. The standard is incredibly unrealistic, and the college environment doesn’t help that. Balancing schoolwork on top of my appearance was something I had never dealt with before. I was suddenly self-tanning every Thursday to make sure I wasn’t pale for the weekend, but I also had to ensure all of my assignments were submitted on time. Instead of schoolwork, I would prioritize keeping up with the trends and not repeating an outfit because my mind would tell me, “What are the boys at the bar going to think if you don’t look like how you look on Instagram?” It was hard for me to grasp the fact that I wasn’t a reflection of how the people around me saw me. My messy hair, mismatched outfit, dry skin—none of it made me any less of a person.  

4. Your Success is Not Measured by Others’ Validation

This is a very hard pill to swallow as a young person in their 20s. I only recently understood I was responsible for celebrating my little victories. When you finish day-to-day tasks, challenging or not, you have to reward yourself! For a while, I thought my achievements would only be a true ‘success’ if someone else commented on it. I expected constant validation from others because I was too embarrassed to be proud of myself. I think that is very common in college settings. Validation is satisfying, but just because something you do isn’t initially recognized by the people around you doesn’t discount it as a major success in your life. Now, I take more time to acknowledge my personal growth rather than sitting around waiting for others to mention it. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small. 

5. It’s Okay to Spend Time Getting to Know Yourself

In college, it is typical to spend 75% of your time around other people. One of the greatest pieces of advice I could give is to spend time alone. I think there is a phenomenon that happens when we give in to the fear of missing out. We push ourselves to always be surrounded by people because if not, then we are an outcast. We become so addicted to being ‘in the know,’ doing things that everyone else is doing, and all of the meaningless busyness. The amount of pressure we put on ourselves on top of societal pressure makes us believe we need to compare our lives to our peers and force experiences. 

Spending time alone is uncomfortable at first. It can be lonely, but it can also be rewarding. I learned this past year that I enjoy cooking. I was never a big cook, mainly because I was never the best in the kitchen, but I realized I never gave myself a chance to try. Now I cook for myself three times a day and am constantly on the lookout for new recipes to try. When you focus more on getting to know yourself, you gain a whole new appreciation for yourself and your little quirks. 

6. Was It Time Wasted or Experience Gained?

This is a hard-hitting thought. I recently went through a breakup and was struggling to come to terms with how the whole situation ended. I kept thinking how much of my life was wasted with one person, how much I lost, how stupid I looked—everything under the sun. I remember thinking one day while doing my daily walk on the treadmill: “Did I really waste my time or did I just gain the experience of being in love?” From that day, I started to think a lot less about how dumb I felt giving so much love to one person who threw it all away. What got me through many of the hard and sad nights was knowing I was capable of giving so much love. 

I think this mindset can apply to far more things than a relationship. Not everything that ends has to have an unhappy ending. When I look back now, I think of all the things I learned from being in a relationship, and all the fun things I got to experience. Thinking I’d wasted so much time in friendships and relationships that ended began to drain me. With just this small change in my perspective, I was able to let go of what was weighing me down.

Since being a freshman in college, my life has changed, and so have my perspectives on many vital parts of my day-to-day experiences. Perspective is so important and can ultimately alter an entire situation. I’ve dedicated most of my time to becoming a better version of myself. That’s not something relatively new in my life, but something I’ve put a lot more effort into keeping up with. Changing my perspective on things has made the greatest impact. I look at life a whole lot differently, and I feel like I live with more purpose. I see the faults in others and situations much less, and I have a more open mind. We always hear, “Perspective changes everything,” and it seems cheesy until you understand the smallest changes in your own life and how they all come down to perspective.