Girls, Talk

“I'm sharing this because I want people to know I'm only human. I do feel victimized after these experiences and how can I mend this if I don't talk about it?”
— Britney Spears, audio recording about her conservatorship

1. On TV, men complained

When we were young, the girls and I watched TV as our mothers gathered to talk about our fathers, about life, about problems, and about families that weren’t involved in the conversation.

On TV, men complained: "Girls talk!"

We nodded in agreement. Why would our mothers engage in meaningless gossip? Why would they stick their noses in other people's business? Should they not keep their personal lives to themselves? Should they not deal with their marital problems in private?

The girls and I swore to be unlike our mothers when we grew up.

2. In school, there was a phrase

In school, there was a phrase to silence a class of noisy boys. The teachers would say, "I thought girls talked more, but boy was I wrong!"

The boys, not wanting to be seen as gossiping old ladies, would shut up. And the girls—we wondered what it was that made us look like mere chatterboxes to our teachers.

So we decided to talk less. Less about the things that girls ought to talk about. And more about the topics we assumed serious boys often discussed about. We made crass jokes, limited our conversation to movies and politics. We avoided makeup like the plague, cringed at girls who gossiped about boys, pretended to be unbothered on the days we had our periods.

In doing so, we didn’t realize we were robbing ourselves of our girlhood.

3. In movies, there was a bride

In Indian films from our childhood, there was a bride who was overwhelmed with questions after her wedding night. When she came out of the bedroom the morning after, her friends would rush to her with curious faces. They’d ask, "So? What happened in there?"

Sitting in the audience, the girls and I would roll our eyes and joke, "Popping peanuts into their mouths." What else would the couple do in there other than have sex?

It seemed so absurd to us that women would ask such dumb questions.

4. In college, the girls fell in love

In college, the girls fell in love. Some of us grew up to be more comfortable in our girlhood. We were able to talk to each other about our love lives. The others, unfortunately, were stuck with their childhood lessons from men on TV. They never spoke to us about the constant questions their boyfriends asked about their whereabouts, the constant arguments they got into because he wouldn't trust her, the new bruises on her body when his anger was triggered, the control she was losing over her life, her body, and mind.

It took years for them to muster the courage to leave. And a couple more to reach out to us and talk.

5. On the internet, a revolution began

On the internet, a revolution began against men as women decided to break their silence and say, "Me Too." As one woman spoke her truth, it gave courage for another to speak hers.

But the men still complained, "Women talk! Women lie! Women bitch about men!"

Only this time, we didn't stop talking.

In talking lies a simple truth

It took us years to realize this simple truth: Girls talk because it's the only way for us to make sense of the world we live in.

Our mothers gathered to talk about their lives, so they wouldn’t lose their minds dealing with their problems alone. They openly talked about their marriages because how else could they make sense of their husbands’ actions? How else could they know what the world was like when all they were reserved to do was housework?

The friends of the bride in Indian films gathered around her in the morning, not because they were stupid, but because they were unaware of how sex worked and wanted to make sure their friend was okay. They read about sex in textbooks but had no experience with it. They weren't aware of what masturbation was or had an orgasm in their lives. A lot of Indian women’s first experience with sex would be with a strange man that their parents chose for them, on a night that a random priest set a date for. They'd lie beneath the men on their wedding night, staring at the wall or the pillow or into the darkness, hoping it would end soon.

And the men—they complained because they felt threatened. For when girls talked, they became aware of the world around them. When they shared their experiences, they found out that a lot of it was common. That their problems weren't isolated but universal.

And soon, women would realize that talking alone wasn’t enough. That it was time for them to stand up and fight.

Girls, talk.

So let the men complain, "Girls talk!" You don’t stop talking.

Talk as women before you did. As Maya Angelou sang her poetry, as Julia Gillard spoke of misogyny, as Britney Spears opened up about her conservatorship. Talk. As a mother talks to her daughter of womanhood, as the daughter talks to her sister of strength, as the sister talks to her friend of love. Talk.

Talk until you understand what sex is. Talk until you understand what sexism is. Talk till you realize the importance of feminism. Talk until you know what patriarchy is. Talk till you find out why you are blamed for the things that aren't your fault. Talk until you realize that anger disguised as love is abusive. Talk so your sisters know they, too, have a voice. Talk till you find out that women have a choice.

Talk, because the minute you stop talking, a silence falls over the world; and in that silence, men will loudly dictate the rules that women should live by.

Girls, talk.

Bavishya Tai
Bavishya Tai is an Indian author, poet, and the founder of ‘The Feminist Gaze’ – a newsletter focused on analyzing cinema through a feminist lens. You can read her work and connect with her at bavishyatai.com