Girls to Wives: How Media Encourages Women to Compromise for Marriage

By: Faith Robinson-Hughes

Admit it. We’ve all come home from the hardships of life looking for some way to relieve the tension, only to find ourselves reaching for the remote to turn on the next rom-com to cry to. The allure of your favorite pint of ice cream, a warm blanket, and hot people falling in love on screen is enough to get anyone running to the couch for their next fix of television romance. The fantasy of obtaining something similar to the love we see on the screen often motivates viewers to continue watching romance unravel in our favorite shows and movies. 

How much of the romantic relationships we see on the screen are reflective of real life? When can we draw the line between fiction and reality when watching these films? Who are these movies trying to sell their fantasies to? There isn’t much concrete data about who filmmakers and studios are marketing their romantic genres towards, but multiple sources state that the demographic of people who watch romantic comedies the most are women from the ages of 18-44. More recent studies suggest that older women up to the age of 54 are included in this demographic as well. Since this data has been out for several years, it is arguably reasonable to assume that filmmakers and studios are aware of their target audience when releasing their romance films. 

Watching a love story play out on the screen with your favorite actors provides a fun and relaxing experience for the viewer. The hope that one may experience the love they find from their favorite movie gives a sense of hope and comfort for someone who may feel upset by situations in their own life. Escapism is one of humanity’s biggest guilty pleasures, but does this form of escaping come with a price? What messages are these movies sending to the impressionable young women who watch them? Many of our favorite movies depict love in a way that may be harmful or unrealistic. Some characters may be depicted as being verbally or physically abused, yet may still end up with that person for the sake of “love.” Some women may be depicted sacrificing their careers, morals, or dreams to settle down with a man (e.g., Ariel from The Little Mermaid giving up her tail to interact with Eric). Some films glamorize young women who neglect relationships with their girlfriends to foster a relationship with their love interest. 

Despite these issues, most of these movies end with the young female lead marrying their love interest. If the marriage is not clearly depicted, the suggestion of commitment to the relationship is often included. 

How Media Influences Young Women

Young women are still grappling with their identity while also consuming these messages from their favorite films. It is a detriment to these women when our films glamorize toxic romances. 

The list of issues with the depiction of romantic relationships in television extends far, and the consequences of these images being shown to young women may be immeasurable. The existence of romantic comedies cannot be entirely blamed for the pressure women still face to prioritize marriage over themselves. These messages are simply a product of the patriarchy, which needs women to be subservient to men to function the way it was intended. An explanation of how romance movies can be an impactful vehicle for promoting the patriarchy can be explained by a psychological theory called the social cognitive theory. 

Psychologist Albert Bandura concocted the Social Cognitive Theory, which suggests that an individual’s ability to learn behaviors from observing the actions, consequences, and responses of others. In the context of this theory concerning young women’s response to the romance genre, young women who regularly consume this form of media may be encouraged to make detrimental compromises with their goals and well-being in exchange for propelling their chances of marriage. 

Some may argue that feminist movements have led to romantic movies conforming to more modern images of gender roles. However, Cassady Green states, “Another underlying issue within the romantic comedies studied is the film's support of the traditional patriarchal view of romance through their unrealistic portrayal of relationships.” She states that this can resemble “regressive fantasies,” meaning that these romance movies often market themselves as progressive when, in reality, they are repackaging old misogynistic ideologies. 

In addition, because of the common misconception that feminist movements have resolved all of women’s issues and are no longer needed, romance movies often get away with the idea of “double-entanglement.” Green explains the term coined by Angela McRobbie as “the combination of conservative-based gender values and the idea of women being liberated and owning their sexuality.” These opposing factors can lead young women to think that their romantic relationships are more important than any other aspect of their lives. 

Twilight and Purity Culture

From 2008 to 2012, teenage girls flocked to theaters to watch the new Twilight movie. Bella and Edward’s relationship grossed $35.7 million during the movie’s premiere and became one of the most popular franchises during its run. Edward’s status as a vampire creates an interesting power dynamic between him and Bella that has perpetuated a unique romance trope for the following decade. Due to Edward’s abilities as a vampire, he severely surpasses Bella’s physical strength in the first movie. When Bella decides to immerse herself in his world, it creates a situation where Bella is extremely vulnerable. With this dynamic, Edward assumes the position of Bella’s protector to ward off any potential dangers from his world. 

The first scene within the series that solidifies this dynamic is in the first Twilight movie. Bella tags along with Edward and his family to play a game of baseball when they accidentally catch the attention of a rebel vampire group in town. Out of the three vampires in that group, James develops an obsession with hunting Bella for himself. This turning point within the movie provides an opportunity for the audience to watch this relationship dynamic play out. Immediately after Bella and the Cullens arrive back at their house to prepare for this eventual fight, Rosalie and Edward have a heated discussion about the family’s involvement in Bella’s safety. Rosalie feels that it’s not their problem and to just leave Bella alone, while Edward and the rest of the family agree that they should stay and continue to protect Bella. Edward, especially, makes it clear that he would do anything to protect her. 

This scene seems innocent enough when isolated from the rest of the series. However, Edward’s protectiveness undoubtedly treads into a toxic form of purity culture. As their relationship progresses, the analogy of the lion and the lamb stated in the first movie of the series continues to inform the dynamic of their relationship. In Twilight: Eclipse, Edward stops Bella from escalating their steamy makeout session into sex. When Bella asks why this is, Edward states that he prefers to wait until marriage to maintain Bella’s purity. In addition to this Edward has also stated that he refuses to turn Bella into a vampire for the sake of keeping her soul pure as well. 

The depiction of women being protected by their male partners is not inherently negative until it begins to transform into a vehicle for controlling women. Purity culture specifically was created to control and suppress women’s sexual desires, especially in religious spheres. This culture also implies that women are somehow tarnished if they deviate from the rules created by purity culture. Bella was eighteen during this scene, meaning she was a consenting adult. Implying that she needed to be “protected” from sex sends the message that sex is some dangerous thing that unmarried women should stay away from to preserve their purity. The movie often disguises Edward’s desire to keep her pure as his way of protecting her because he loves her so much when his selfish fantasy of a “pure” Bella is what’s truly driving his actions.

Purity culture, at its core, is a way to control women. The message that is being sent to young women is, “Would Edward still love Bella to the same degree if she did not maintain the fantasy of herself that he created in his mind?” That fantasy is a pure and clean version of Bella that may or may not even exist but a version of her that Edward adores. It almost comes across as though Edward is fighting so hard to keep her pure because he’s afraid that if she deviates from that path, then his feelings towards her may change. This message is extremely harmful because it makes women feel pressured to maintain their “purity” to be seen as valuable to a man.

It also makes it seem that Edward’s protection over Bella would also disappear had he lost feelings for her due to her purity being lost. Edward makes the impulsive decision to abandon Bella in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse after accidentally hurting her due to his incessant desire to keep her safe. Throughout the movie, Bella questions what she’s done wrong and even places herself in dangerous situations to get Edward to save her. No woman deserves to feel as though their sense of security in a relationship would be threatened if they somehow ruined their partner’s fantasy of having a “pure” woman. The Twilight film series followed Bella and Edward into their marriage, and saving their child from a corrupt government was the end goal. Young women observe through this movie that if they play the damsel in distress and stick to the rigid rules of purity culture, they have a higher probability of marriage in the end. 

Household Labor in The Princess and the Frog

Bella and Edward’s relationship dynamic is a stark contrast to the depiction of Tiana and Naveen’s relationship in Disney’s The Princess and the Frog. Tiana is a young, Black woman who has dreams of opening her restaurant after her father’s death. She works tirelessly as a waiter, cooking up the best beignets in New Orleans. When she finally gains the money and the experience to purchase the building for her new restaurant, she is immediately told by the real estate agents that she was outbid by someone else. The movie never reveals whether these agents were telling the truth because the property had not been bid on for about twenty years. The likeliness of someone purchasing that property at the same time as Tiana was slim to none. It can be assumed by this interaction that they may have refused to sell her the property due to her status as a lower-class, Black woman. 

Naveen is the eldest prince of a fictional country named Maldonia. His financial and social status is way above Tiana’s, and he is depicted as someone who is extremely entitled. Due to everything always being handed to him, he also proves himself to be extremely incompetent during the first half of the movie. One scene depicts Tiana finding ingredients to put together a nice meal for the both of them when Naveen decides to prop his legs up and rest. He initially believes that Tiana will make dinner for them both all by herself before she persuades Naveen to help her. This is one of a few times when Naveen has demonstrated an unwillingness to contribute at the beginning of the movie. While Naveen’s character does develop into someone who is less entitled and someone who can be a better partner to Tiana, it provides girls with the false hope that every incompetent man will change for them once they are in a committed relationship. 

According to a survey published by the American Survey Center, men experience more health benefits from a heterosexual marriage than women do. A study from 2021 found, “As married women enter the workforce in greater numbers, their domestic responsibilities remained largely unchanged. Research shows that married women still do a disproportionate of household work whether it’s laundry, cooking, or cleaning.” Many women still suffer from the consequences of their husbands refusing to share the burden of household responsibilities. Sounds like a particular frog, doesn't it?

Despite Naveen’s character arc, his character should not be presented as a potential partner who is suitable for marriage. Lucky for Tiana, Naveen decided to change because he wanted to change. Most women who marry men with Naveen’s attitude, find themselves forever waiting for their husbands’ character arc.

Changing Your Appearance for Love in Bridgerton

Elaborate dresses, fancy homes, and steamy romances bombard our screen with Bridgerton’s season three premiere. Our beloved Penelope Featherington takes the stage as she attempts to win the affection of Colin Bridgerton. Penelope is a fun, bubbly character with her unique style of bright print dresses. She is depicted as friendly and introverted as she watches everyone’s love story unfold from the sidelines. Penelope’s interest in Colin has been revealed since season one through their solid friendship. However, in a gut-wrenching scene, Colin reveals to his friends that he would never want to be seen with someone like Penelope. 

Sick of being pushed to the sidelines and deemed undesirable by potential suitors, Penelope undergoes a wardrobe transformation. She trades her bright-colored dresses for a more mature look. This change, along with the attention of another suitor, prompts Colin to develop a romantic affection for Penelope. This is a problematic portrayal of romance for very obvious reasons. Penelope should never have had to change her appearance or anything about herself to find a proper suitor. I found myself desperately waiting for the scene where someone tells Penelope that she shouldn’t have had to transform herself to attract Colin’s attention. 

It’s okay for a woman to decide whether she wants to change her wardrobe or the way she looks for her self-esteem. Changing the way you look so that a man will marry you? This depiction of romance seems a bit antiquated for the summer of 2024. 

An Exception to the Norm: Mulan

Disney’s 1998 version of Mulan remains a positive example of a woman who maintained her identity, pursued her goals, and never sacrificed anything to get married. In fact, a very central theme to Mulan’s character arc is that she lacks the desire to only be a man’s wife. Mulan is a young woman born and raised in China during the Northern Wei dynasty. From the beginning of the movie, her family and community attempt to groom her into the perfect bride for a man to marry. Mulan quickly proves that she is not suited to solely be a man’s wife which causes her family to struggle with finding a place for her in this society. Unfortunately, her elderly father is drafted for war. Mulan immediately takes the opportunity to save her father from inevitable death by masquerading herself as a man to take her father’s place. 

During her training in the army, she meets General Shang, who pushes the entire army to the brink of exhaustion. Mulan, being the only woman in the army, quickly surpasses her male counterparts after tirelessly training. Shang and Mulan’s relationship develops on the sidelines, while the main plot continues to focus on Mulan’s goal of successfully honoring her family by being a useful warrior. This is such an amazing depiction of a woman with goals and dreams of her own who happens to fall in love with a man along the way. Her goals were never sidetracked, any physical alterations of her appearance were entirely her choice, and she never sacrificed her identity to be with Shang. Although Shang was initially upset with Mulan’s dishonesty about her identity, Mulan never expressed regret for doing what she needed to do to save her father. 

It’s difficult to make a movie that is completely politically correct, and Disney’s Mulan definitely has its issues, but it uniquely stands out as a more positive depiction of romance compared to many other modern television romances. Mulan’s attraction to Shang never alters her goals and dreams. She doesn’t feel the need to make herself appear weaker or less competent to gain Shang’s affection. When her marriage with Shang comes into the plot, Mulan doesn’t even conform to the image of a traditional housewife that her community says she needs to be. Mulan successfully excels at her job and gets the hot guy in the end. None of her identity gets sacrificed or altered to marry the main love interest. 

Most importantly, Shang is not depicted as a man whose masculinity is easily threatened. Therefore, Mulan is never presented with an opportunity to diminish herself in their relationship to make Shang feel more secure. This is a more healthy depiction of how a romantic relationship with a man should be. 

Final Thoughts

Romance movies aren’t inherently negative, and it’s not entirely necessary to constantly criticize every single one of them. It’s important for women of all ages to recognize reality from fiction when consuming these films to avoid falling prey to negative messages about relationships and marriage. It’s completely normal and valid to admire a young female character on the television screen, but sometimes fiction is just fiction. As a person, it’s also reasonable to want romantic experiences. However, it should never be to the detriment of any other aspects of your life. 

Women have come so far since the suffrage movement, and our progress should be respected off and on the screen. Advocating for films that do not attack women’s self-esteem or value to get them to prioritize a man’s wishes could serve an influential role for our next generation of women. Maybe one day women can gather around the television to watch a rom-com and walk away feeling empowered… and romantic, of course.