Remembering the Importance of Where I Came From

By: Pamela Gliatis
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"Nice Greek girls who don't find a husband, work in the family restaurant. So here I am, day after day, year after year, thirty and way past my expiration date." If I could pick a line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding that I relate to the most, it is that one, except with a modern twist: I am absolutely not past my expiration date. While my Greek culture may view me as a nice Greek girl with no husband, I view myself as a proud Greek-American woman who is taking advantage of the opportunities provided for me here in America. However, I wasn’t always grateful for my Greek heritage, and I certainly struggled with my identity a bit at times. 

Having been first-generation born in the United States as a daughter of Greek immigrant parents, I experienced pressure not only from the Greek culture but also as a first-generation US-born. There's a fine line between wanting to do the right thing traditionally and culturally but also wanting to do better and more than that. My parents came to America in the mid-60s unable to speak or understand English, yet they wanted to make a better life for themselves financially as it was the great “American Dream.” They didn’t grow up with the opportunities that my brothers and I ended up having from my parents immigrating here, so we had to do better than they ever did. 

"I used to walk barefoot on the mountains to school," my father would tell my brothers and me while growing up. He always wanted to remind us how good we had it, to make us more appreciative, while we would be smirking behind his back and chuckling at his "old" stories. He went from being barefoot and poor in a small village to saving pennies in New York City until he bought his coffee donut store. After all these years of hard work and making sacrifices with my mother by his side, they were then able to successfully own a fine dining restaurant called 57th Cafe in Manhattan in the early ‘80s to late ‘90s. You could easily see their success from their customers, some of whom were celebrities at the height of their fame, such as Morgan Freeman, Brooke Shields, Al Pacino, Noami Campbell, and many more. 

But that success wasn’t always celebrated or received well, even from the Greeks. Every summer, we would go back to Greece to spend some time in my father's village with his family, and there were always occasional Greeks who would judge us for being "American." Some Greeks in Greece felt like we were making easy money, but they had no idea what my parents went through to earn that money. Imagine not knowing any English in Brooklyn during the ‘60s and ‘70s, with all the crime and drugs on the streets, yet still working all day and night to try to build a better life.

I remember my mother telling me how she would try to take the subway at 5 am to go to her parent’s store in Brooklyn to open it up. One morning, my mom came across some gang members in the subway halls walking towards her in the dark, and no one was around so early in the morning. At that time, she was only 17 years old and didn’t know what to do, for there were many incidents of rape occurring in Brooklyn during that time. She was young, naive, and scared. Luckily, she was saved by the train coming in at the right time. My parents told a lot of similar stories over the years, where even my father would have to defend himself against thieves numerous times and had to carry a weapon in case of extreme situations. These kinds of stories have stayed in my mind all these years, and I have always admired their strength in overcoming their hardships.

Despite their strengths, there were times when I was still embarrassed by my family. Growing up in a Greek household, I could hear my parents talking obnoxiously loud or yelling for no reason. Loud conversations are the normal way Greeks would communicate. I was embarrassed whenever I heard them talking that way in public because this wasn't how Americans would communicate. At one point, after selling the business in Manhattan, we moved from New York City, which was full of foreigners, to the middle of nowhere in Wisconsin, where everyone was quiet and polite. Wisconsin was a lot less racially diverse. I felt like I went from being a white person living on the East Coast to now becoming that random, olive-skinned foreigner who stood out everywhere I went.  

Either way, that wasn't going to stop me from hiding who I was and where I came from, although I was guilty of doing that several times in high school so that I could fit in. My parents used to get mad at me whenever I felt embarrassed by their Greek mannerisms because it was too loud and abrasive for American people. But looking back on that, I now can't imagine how much they must have stood out as foreigners not knowing enough English. Yet they made their success happen, no matter what and regardless of people's judgments of them. After moving to Wisconsin, they were able to settle into a quieter and slower way of life while running a successful Greek family restaurant and commercial real estate business. Seeing their success over the years made me realize that you can do anything you want; you must step out of your comfort zone and be strong enough to do so. 

Only a certain amount of the population in this world can experience what I have. Family is the number one priority in our culture, and only within our family can we be loud and nosy, but we can also support, fight, and love each other. We'll always annoy each other and be in each other's business, for it is our form of love and affection, but all we need is good food and amazing company at the end of the day. 

The best parts of my childhood were the family dinners and our summer trips back to Greece. Our quality time together was usually centered around food. My mother loved to cook dinner for us all the time, and it was her love language. It always brought us together around the dinner table, where we would just be loud and laugh with each other. And, of course, being in Greece, we experienced that same love from my grandmothers, who would constantly want to overfeed us and question if we liked their food when we were too full to keep eating. 

But as expected, there's always a Greek relative behind me saying, "You better get married soon, or you'll be alone for the rest of your life." My mother got married at 16 years old, and while my parents were traditionally old school, they never wanted to pressure me into getting married. My mother always told me to live my life first, and I did exactly that. While many Greeks would disagree with that choice, I certainly forged my own path in life regardless.   

Several months ago, my father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly while on vacation in Greece. His death showed me how far he came in his life and what he was able to provide for his wife and children. I now have a whole new appreciation for his work ethic, mentality, strength, and everything he did in his life. I wish I were never embarrassed about being too Greek because there's no such thing. It should be a beautiful reminder of where you came from and how far you've come since then. 

Now, I wish to carry that on in my own family one day. I hope to have children and embarrass them for being too Greek myself. But even so, they will come to love our culture just as I did. The truth is that our ancestors paved the way for us to be able to do more. That is something always to be thankful about, for it is a gift to carry their knowledge and wisdom, along with opportunities that they were never able to have. Another quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding perfectly sums it up: "Don't let your past dictate who you are; let it be part of who you will become."